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A week later, they were married. And they still are, 35 years later. Happily so—and probably more so than most people I know who had nonarranged marriages.

First I texted four friends who travel and eat out a lot and whose judgment I trust. I checked the website Eater for its Heat Map, which includes new, tasty restaurants in the city. Then I checked Yelp. Finally I made my selection: Il Corvo, an Italian place that sounded amazing.

Unfortunately, it was closed. It only served lunch. At that point I had run out of time because I had a show to do, so I ended up making a peanut-butter-and-banana sandwich on the bus. The stunning fact remained: it was quicker for my dad to find a wife than it is for me to decide where to eat dinner. This kind of rigor goes into a lot of my decisionmaking. If this mentality pervades our decision­making in so many realms, is it also affecting how we choose a romantic partner?

The question nagged at me—not least because of my own experiences watching promising relationships peter out over text message—so I set out on a mission. I quizzed the crowds at my stand-up comedy shows about their own love lives.

People even let me into the private world of their phones to read their romantic texts aloud onstage. Throw in the fact that people now get married later in life than ever before, turning their early 20s into a relentless hunt for more romantic options than previous generations could have ever imagined, and you have a recipe for romance gone haywire. In the course of our research, I also discovered something surprising: the winding road from the classified section of yore to Tinder has taken an unexpected turn.

Our phones and texts and apps might just be bringing us full circle, back to an old-fashioned version of courting that is closer to what my own parents experienced than you might guess. Almost a quarter of online daters find a spouse or long-term partner that way. It provides you with a seemingly endless supply of people who are single and looking to date. Before online dating, this would have been a fruitless quest, but now, at any time of the day, no matter where you are, you are just a few screens away from sending a message to your very specific dream man.

There are downsides with online dating, of course. Throughout all our interviews—and in research on the subject—this is a consistent finding: in online dating, women get a ton more attention than men. Even a guy at the highest end of attractiveness barely receives the number of messages almost all women get.

On the Internet, there are no lonely corners. Take Derek, a regular user of OkCupid who lives in New York City. Medium height, thinning brown hair, nicely dressed and personable, but not immediately magnetic or charming. At our focus group on online dating in Manhattan, Derek got on OkCupid and let us watch as he went through his options.

The first woman he clicked on was very beautiful, with a witty profile page, a good job and lots of shared interests, including a love of sports. Imagine the Derek of 20 years ago, finding out that this beautiful, charming woman was a real possibility for a date.

If she were at a bar and smiled at him, Derek of would have melted. No thank you! But Derek of simply clicked an X on a web-browser tab and deleted her without thinking twice.

Watching him comb through those profiles, it became clear that online, every bozo could now be a stud. But dealing with this new digital romantic world can be a lot of work. Even the technological advances of the past few years are pretty absurd. Trust me! Sebt Aziz is full of single men and women like you looking for dates, lovers, friendship, and fun.

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In good relationships, as passionate love fades, companionate love arises to take its place. I quizzed the crowds at my stand-up comedy shows about their own love lives. They decided it would work. Almost a quarter of online daters find a spouse or long-term partner that way. My parents had an arranged marriage. This article is adapted from Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari with Eric Klinenberg Penguin Publishing Group, App Store.

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